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I remembered the day when I first met Jennie high up in the Rocky Mountains. She was coming out of Frank's camper to greet me. I had already felt a bit of that same feeling then. For one brief fleeting moment something had happened that day that had brightened the world. Perhaps it was the surprise of the situation that allowed her to respond without reservation to the innermost design of her as a human being, letting go for that moment all the traditions of relationships, responsibilities, commitments, obligations, and the myths surrounding them. There had been magnificence in this moment, a brightness that made the glaciers appear dull by comparison, and the mountains insignificant. Moments later when Frank introduced us the formality of it became a call to 'order' that drew the attention back to the conventional world by which the magic ended. Still, its echo had lingered in the mind.
Seeing Jennie leaning in the balcony doorway re-kindled still another feeling, one that I had first felt at the beach after we arrived on the island. It came as a sense of peace that unfolded by taking a holiday from the so-called real world, setting aside all the rationality of the ages that has kept mankind 'politely' distant from each other, including Jennie and I.
I knew that it was not by accident, therefore, that the nightgown, which I had bought Jennie for a present, had been selected by me for its exquisitely thin fabric that now appeared almost transparent. I should have looked away from her according to the rules of politeness, but there was something in the honesty of the moment that didn't allow this. Also, I had the feeling that I was not the only factor in the equation of this moment of peace. Humanity played a large role in its unfolding. I realized that I hadn't designed the nightgown that I had bought. I had merely bought it. It already existed when I entered the store. It had been created for a purpose, perhaps the same purpose that it now fulfilled, a purpose that is rooted in the design of our humanity, a design to acknowledge and respond to what is intrinsically beautiful and good.
Jennie's slender body stood darkly against the sunlit fabric. The sunlit gown suited her. She looked grander in it, grander than the most beautiful model may ever have looked, and more exquisite than the most exquisite work of art. How could I not gaze at her? How could I look away?
Gazing at her was wonderful. Nor did I design the feeling that I felt. I didn't design humanity. I wanted to touch her, kiss her nipples - right through the fabric if it had to be - run my hands over her back, her thighs, her chest. I felt infinitesimally close to her!
I knew that Melanie would never have allowed this, nor would have Jennie herself, just a day earlier. But now, we lived in another time. Our world had been turned upside down. We had become a part of another world in which everything that was human had become immensely more precious.
In the background to this peace and joy, thoughts of doubt resurfaced. I feared that we would never see Frank or Melanie again. We had bee hoping against hope that they were still living, somewhere on this earth, we had been building scenarios that they might have escaped by. But was this just hopeful dreaming? They seemed too far distant, too far out of reach. And even if they lived, how would we ever find each other again in this overturning world? I wished them well. I wished them a good life wherever they would end up if they still lived. I dearly wished that we would see them again, but I wished more deeply that they would find hope, peace, joy, and happiness until that day would come. I wished that their world would be one without grief and without pain. I also knew that I was dreaming again. The world had become too much a caldron of agony for that to be likely.
I was going to say something to Jennie about this, but I decided not to. I didn't want to spoil the peace of the moment and its magic 'eternity' that had somehow crowded out the world we had known too much of, and the ugly reality we had seen. The unfolding peace had substituted in its place a different reality that I wanted to hold on to. I wanted this moment to remain. I wanted it to linger for all times.
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