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I shook my head. I was confused, suddenly. What was she talking about?
"Are they not with you?" she asked. He smile was beginning to fade.
I didn't answer. I couldn't saw a word as if I couldn't speak.
"They must be still downstairs, Jennie," I replied later when I realized that they might have come with her as I had expected.
Her smile vanished. "Frank and Melanie.... Didn't they join you in Seattle?" She gave me a blank stare.
I turned my face from her. "In Seattle?" I asked.
"They had waited to be on your flight on the way home. Didn't you know that?"
I closed my eyes hard. I knew I wouldn't be able to bear seeing her reaction. "We didn't touch down in Seattle, Jennie, there was no time," I said quietly, almost inaudibly, since I couldn't comprehend what I was really saying, or didn't want to accept the incomprehensible. "I thought they had came back yesterday," I said after many long moments had passed in utter confusion. What dawned as tragic reality, couldn't be re real. I kept pushing the thought away, pushing it back. "Frank had phoned...," I added. I couldn't say anymore.
She didn't answer. I turned to look at her. There were tears streaming down her face.
I put my arm around her back, to comfort her, as if the tragedy that now engulfed us concerned only her and not also myself.
"The children wanted to come home with you," she said through showers of tears. "It was supposed to be a surprise!"
"Oh, oh my God!" The word 'children' struck me like a blow, and this connected Melanie. It all came back to mind that they were in Seattle together. Frank had called from Seattle. He must have stood at the window when I aborted our landing. They all must have stood there. I embraced Jennie as tight as I could. I felt her tears on my cheeks, but couldn't find any myself. Oh God! Why couldn't I cry? I was facing this tragedy that was tearing my life apart, and I couldn't even cry.
"No, no!" I muttered to myself, defending my sanity, "this can't be!" Everyone gone! Everyone turned to smoke and ashes. It was incomprehensible, but my head told me that it was so. I had seen the pillars of fire. I remembered Harry's kids. Two miles away from them Melanie and the children had been waiting for me. I remembered glancing at the international terminal where we were supposed to have docked. I remembered seeing people at the observation deck. Had those been our children? I had been aware of many things as we flew by, though I couldn't comprehend what exactly was happening.
"We never touched down in Seattle," I repeated. I felt empty inside. I stood there bewildered. I couldn't grasp what had obviously happened. I even smiled. Not being able to cry was like crying for joy, but in reverse. At least Jennie could cry.
I felt closer to her in this dreadful bewilderment than I had ever allowed myself to feel before. I also could sense that we were infinitely distant from one another because of this great, great loss that overshadowed everything and made everything else seem meaningless. My hands were holding her. My fingers were touching her back, caressing her. I had dreamed of holding her like this. Now that the dream had come true a deep gulf emerged between us. She was Frank's woman, Frank's property. When my touching became too sensuous, she broke off the embrace. My escape into another dimension was over; it became blocked before it even stated as it had been for most of my life.
I remembered having a poster in my room when I was a boy. The poster was a picture of a beautiful tropical beach. I had daydreamed about this beach for years; about palm trees, soft sand, gentle winds, swimming in warm clear waters. Years later I stood on such a beach on the island of Lido. The sand stretched as far into the distance as I could see. The dream had become reality, only the reality was different. The day was hot. To was July. The sand burned like coals. I had to sprint not to burn my feet, whenever I wanted to get to the water. Now the situation repeated itself. Jennie was so near, the only person remaining now in the world that was dear to me, that had always been dear to me, but the space between us had become an impenetrable barrier. It felt to me as she was standing at the edge of the surf and I reaching out for her across a beach of hot glowing coals. I felt her warmth as we embraced, her breast pressing against me. I smelled her hair, touched her shoulders, but we were world's apart. I let my arms fall away from her.
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