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"Yes, this is frightening," Tania replied. But that was all she could say. The depth of the experience was obviously far beyond anything that had ever come into her life that could have given her a measure by which she could judge Boris' struggle. She actually smiled at him when he spoke of his deep anguish that she couldn't feel.
"Frightening?" he repeated her response. "It's much more than that. We call ourselves men, but without being aware of it we've become mindless tools; it's terrifying to realize that about yourself. And by God it's damn real!"
Beware oh dreamer! You tighten your noose with every step.
The plan is in control, not you. Awake!
Boris' hands were shaking by the time he put his coat on to leave. He told Tania that he wouldn't kiss the children good-bye; that he couldn't bear it; that he could never say good-bye again. His eyes began to fill with tears.
"I'll give your greetings to the children when they wake. I won't come to the window either, to wave. We will never say good-bye to each other. My thoughts will be with you for as long as we live, there won't be a need for any good bye."
Boris approved. He left after one last, long embrace.
Tania kept her word. There was no one waving good-bye at the window as he walked away. The street was empty. Oh, it would have been far easier if he could have seen her face, her smile. How stupid he had been to deny himself that! Still, he did notice her outline behind the lace curtains that were partially drawn open. Her thoughts were with him as she had said.
At the place where he usually crosses the street, he turned around once more and waved back to her anyway. At this moment the window flew open. Tania leaned out as far as she could and waved to him.
He grinned now. "I love you!" he shouted unabashed through the stillness of the morning, "and I always will."
"I love you too!" she called out to him.
Minutes later he boarded the bus.
+++
The airport was crowded, like it had been years ago. He remembered fondly, how in those days, even when it was still early, it seemed that all of Russia was on the go - soldiers, farmers, party executives. There were few soldiers now and no farmers. In the new society the soldiers had become outnumbered by foreign visitors, and of course, also by the new-rich civilians. In a corner of the departure hall a group of businessmen were gathered together, possibly for a trip to Moscow. Years ago these would have been farmers going to sell their products in the big city. They used to be organized into delegations, with a few individuals going as well.
At the center of the hall an official was organizing a group of tourists. In the early days, crowds like these would have been construction or factory workers, many of which, perhaps, had never traveled before and were proud of the opportunity they then had. The rest of the crowd, now as then, was ordinary folk with destinations to possibly any place in Russia or abroad.
Air travel had become popular in the Soviet Union after its cultural awareness focus had been implemented. It had been intended to draw the different regions closer together; to make people more appreciative of their national heritage, their identity, their land, and to give them a feeling for each other's strengths and ideals.
The cultural programs that came out of it had caught on instantly. They had become so popular that the original aim was soon superseded. They also brought economic benefits as people discovered not only each other's strengths, but also each other's problems. The sense of unity that resulted sparked a spirit of sharing, especially ideas. While the new freedom could have threatened the system, it didn't. It became no threat. The renewal of pride among the people had brought a genuine feeling that they lived in one of the best countries on earth.
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Stories about
Sex
from novels by Rolf A. F. Witzsche
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