"Did I ever tell you about the latest discoveries that Ross and I had made in respect to Mary's matrix?" I asked. "Would you like me to tell you what we discovered? We discovered that Mary had recognized, as far back as a hundred years ago, that marriage and sex belong each to a separate category with a different characteristic and purpose. They are not hashed together into one, but are unique and separate."

      "That totally changes the way that we look at either of them, doesn't it?" she said.



      I stopped at the same spot again where I had drawn the four columns into the sand for Tony. "The first column represents the hue of dawn," I said. "That's the column where the universal marriage of humanity is represented, which is not really something that we can choose, but which is imposed on us since we are all married to a single humanity that we all share. Mary called this the love of the good and the beautiful, and their immortality. Helen called it our universal kiss."

      Anton nodded. "This makes sense," she said.

      "Sex is represented totally separate from this, in the second column," I continued. "That column represents the development of the image of man in the image of God. That's the column of the sunrise, the column where the passion for life is being developed. Helen called this the domain of our joy. Surely you can agree with that, can't you? And the end result is the woman clothed with the sun, from the Apocalypse. She represents our sex, radiantly white, a spectrum that includes all possible colors. A completeness in one. Does that make sense too? Nothing is privatized here."

      "Does it make sense?" she repeated. "Of course it makes sense. You just summarized my life as I always wanted it be. As a child I wasn't allowed to be myself. I was the property of the family, to be abused at will by the people who had power over me. I had become the private plaything of several people who literally owned my life. They didn't hurt me, but they made me into something I didn't want to be. I wanted my life to be 'white' as you say. I wanted the whole spectrum of it in perfect balance. It wasn't until after our battle at the Seventh Heaven restaurant when you first came to Moscow that what I longed for was attainable if I was willing to take the steps. I realized that my goal was as high as the restaurant was located on the Ostankino Tower, except that one has to take every step oneself. You invited me that night to step into elevator with you and step out of the thousand-foot level at the restaurant in the sky. But when we got there, we hadn't changed. Our mentality was still at the ground level. You spoke of discovered principles that you didn't live by yourself, and I wanted the freedom of the world without taking the steps to open the door. We were both privatized by the 'devil' of small-minded thinking."

      "So, what changed you?" I asked.

      She began to laugh. "The great fire at the top of the tower did, which forced the restaurant to be shut down. That too, was caused by small-minded thinking. The engineers built a great tower, the tallest structure in the world, but in their zeal they overlooked a few aspects, like we all do. I realized that the people in family who had abused me were themselves victims of the Byzantine model of top down domination, which robs a person of its very soul and humanity. That's what Hobbes did, didn't he? He told the human being you are nothing; you are small; you are less than nothing; you are evil and thereby a danger to yourself; you are a 'devil' in disguise that must be contained and controlled for your own good. I suddenly realized that the people in my family, which I hated for what they had done to me, had been victims themselves. They had been strangled as human beings by this Aristotelian, Hobbesian, Byzantine model of thinking that had been so deeply rooted in our family's long aristocratic history. I suddenly could see the same abuses reflected wherever this Hobbesian, aristocratic, vertical environment was prominent. I could suddenly see while Brussels was fast becoming the world-center for sexual scandals with its aristocratic roots that go way back to Venetian Empire that Hobbes itself is rooted in. On this rotten foundation Brussels became the ruling center for NATO and for the European Union, which are both aristocratic, Hobbesian, vertical structures. All the sexual scandals, which are evidently but the tip of the iceberg, suddenly came to light as the natural reflection of that kind of system that was also my own family's background. By seeing the people who abused me in my family as victims themselves I could forgive them what they have done and have compassion, and even love them for all the wonderful things that also did, which I had burried in hate. I realize now that they did many kind things for me too, just as you did when you tore open my fantasy world by exposing the Hobbesian and Byzantine model that the Soviet State was built on, which you correctly identified as an aristocratic, imperial creation through Marx who was tied directly in the old British Empire via Urquhard all the way up to Palmerston. I dispised you for that exposure, because the new model of the Principle of Universal Love that you tried to replace it with was too far up in the sky. Believe me, I know now what Mary talks about when she speaks of the brilliance of white as a unity of One that it takes a lot of steps to come to terms with, and embrace, and live up to."

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Stories about  Healing from novels by Rolf A. F. Witzsche