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"I guess I was wrong," Heather replied, grinning. "We are not just back where we were twelve years ago. We are miles ahead of where we were. I had some growing up to do, too. It took me twelve years to realize that during all the wild and wonderful days we had had together in the beginning, nothing had ever happened between us, that we need to be ashamed of. This will likely never change. I just don't know why I hadn't realized that sooner. Through all those years I felt more and more ashamed of myself that I fell in love with you, with a married man. That created an ever-greater barrier, and it had all been for nothing. There had never been a moment when Sylvia hadn't treated me with respect, even though, I often felt ashamed to face her. I guess, in a sense, I had been running away again, and again. I think it was Tony's openness and Ross' scientific ideas about us becoming more human in our approach to one-another that finally tipped the scale for me, too. I guess it was Tony's remark at the pub, his common sense type approach, that made me realize that nothing can ever happen between us that one needs to be ashamed for. Nothing had ever happened that has been degrading, invasive, or injurious."
"What would have happened if I had regarded you as a beautiful piece of art, produced by the greatest artist in the universe, and I had taken care to assure that you would not be tarnished or marred in any way?" I asked.
"I would have embraced you. Why didn't I see this before?"
"I think you couldn't see past my emptiness," I replied.
"I suppose, I should have felt myself to be honored by your love, such as it was, rather than being afraid of it. Maybe I wasn't at all generous with myself. Well, that's all in the past now. So you see, I too, have moved far beyond where we left off. I think what is happening now is something totally new, something that is better than what we had, and more beautiful, don't you agree?"
I nodded, but I couldn't fully agree. I had always cherished her as someone exceedingly precious, and had always been careful never to violate her autonomy and her sovereignty over herself. That's what I had learned from Ushi, never to allow anything to happen that won't be right universally. I had merely allowed the principle of universal sovereignty that Helen had spoken of, to open the door to the maximum of good that we can bring to each other in our love without violating one-another's sovereignty as an individual sovereign being. It was the world's shallow thinking, really, that had made this leading edge of good in our love for one-another appear dirty and shameful.
I realized that in reality such a thing had never occurred. I promised myself that I would tell her about this one day. In the mean time, though, it had became high time for rejoicing, and for celebrating that a barrier had been removed that had had no principle to support its claim.
"I can now appreciate your gratitude for me, a gratitude that I exist deep within," Heather continued. "It makes me feel special, now. It makes me appreciate myself more. I don't even know exactly what you are grateful about, since I never regarded myself as an exceptionally pretty person. Sometimes I felt as being so unattractive that I felt ashamed of myself."
"Isn't that what we got kicked out of the Garden of Eden for?" I commented. "Wasn't it our own shame, or self-denial, that did that? As I recall the Adam and Eve allegory, God had said to Adam as he suddenly felt ashamed after gaining his unauthorized knowledge: If that's how you think about my work, get out of my sight."
"I don't think Adam was kicked out," Heather replied. "I think he left on his own accord, because he felt to ashamed of himself by what he had drifted into. For a long time I felt that way, because I thought you only wanted me for sex. I think Adam couldn't face God anymore, because of that kind of a perversion."
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