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In this manner our cultural evening became a cultural uplift in more ways than one.
It was against this background, right in the middle of all that, that I suddenly realized how vastly different my world had become from the conventional world that had been a part of my life in America. I suddenly realized that every violent movie which the West had produced, and that covered 90% of them, really constituted an attack on the principle of our humanity and our sovereignty. Violence has become a game that was put on the fast track of destroying society from within, nourished at first by the sweetness of the whore that soon became bitter and painful and became deeply reflected in evermore horrible wars. The whole process had turned into brutal rape of unrelenting vertical domination, a Byzantine war of fascism tearing down people's humanity. The long-term effects of this war had become far worse than what had ravished Anton in the softer, though related fascist process of forcing sex on children.
"Sovereignty is the cement of civilization," I said to Ushi at one point.
"The West is tearing itself apart by its attacks on the principle of sovereignty," Ushi replied. "It must be very hard to live in such a world," she added.
"I think it is worse than that," I said to Ushi. "The victims of every form of rape gradually loose their interest in living as human beings, and in some cases in living at all. They become so filled with indifference, even disdain, so that nothing interests them that is of any human value. They become empty people, the perfect victims fore the whore, while victims then field the future leaders of the nations. We must help those trapped people if we can, by celebrating the light of living as human beings as much and as consciously as we can."
Yes, Ushi agreed. "That's what our dancing is all about, Peter, when we dance with our humanity that is impelled by the heart where all beauty and love is lodged. I love this kind of dancing on and off the dance floor, Peter. Don't you?"
I nodded and smiled.
On the way home from the theater, the streets were mostly empty and eerie, lined with the dark shadows of facades of building that appeared as impregnable as the long imperial past of Russia itself, including Russia's modern imperial past. But here, too, in the dark cold, the light that we found within us remained with us.
I enjoyed walking with Ushi, and after the cold walk share the bed with her. "You are the most amazing woman I know," I said to her that night while we were home from the theater. "This had been our first cultural night together," I said and punctuated the sentence with a kiss. "So let the culture continue. Did you know that you are amazing?" I added and turned the question mark into a kiss too.
She grinned and shook her head.
"Do you remember Cozumel?" I asked. "Do you remember us meeting at the ferry docks in the bright afternoon sunshine when we had ice cream together?"
"Ah, that day! I had a feeling you wouldn't forget, Peter. You had spent four weeks in Russia among a multitude of beautiful people, but emotionally you had kept yourself mostly in isolated confinement. You had lived in a dessert in that sense. At least that's how it seemed. How silly of you! You probably told yourself that you had a great time in your world of isolation, but you told me that you never really broke out of this self-confinement for the entire time of your stay there. You may have tried and always failed."
"I never said any of this, Ushi!" I gently protested.
"Yes you did. You said it with your eyes and your manners and your kisses. You also said it with your tone of voice. When you came walking off the boat you seemed to have returned from a different world, from a dessert indeed. And there I was. What a long and tight embrace I got from you. It seemed that you wanted to crawl right into me, if it were possible. Then we had ice cream and another embrace until the cab arrived. Remember, you never said one word about sex. You didn't have to, because that's what our conversation was all about. Of course, I came from a dessert island myself. In the official communist empire the personal life doesn't exist, even sex doesn't exist. Actually, the word, woman, isn't in the official vocabulary," said Ushi and began to laugh. "We are treated like sexless, nameless, shapeless, comrades. Even our uniform reflects this. I felt no different during my time in Mexico City than I felt during our previous trade show in Saudi Arabia. Then you arrived and wanted to crawl right into me. You saw me as a woman. We were both equal then, at least on that platform of our honesty we were. We were equal in our respect for our humanity."
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