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She asked me what it would have cost her to give the man a date in a public place, for a chat, for a kiss, or even a date at the beach. "It would have cost me nothing," she said. "In fact I would have gained a little self-respect by being able to help someone in need."
She told me that if a student had asked her for a date to discuss microbiologic engineering, she would have gladly helped. But the man had asked for so much less and needed help badly. "What a person am I that I closed the door in the man's face as probably everyone else had done before me? Was he not a human being? That's when I began my research of love, Peter. That's what prompted it."
"But you couldn't have responded to the man's need, as a married woman," I said to her. "If anyone had seen you kissing, all hell might have broken loose between you and your husband. That's probably why you couldn't respond. I also would venture to guess that you never had a close boyfriend, or any boyfriend at all, since you were married."
"Of course not," she replied. "Obviously, neither did you ever have a girl friend, especially not one that you could be close to. That's plain to see. But why haven't you? What crime have you committed that you may never in your entire life be permitted to call another woman a friend, and have a close association with that woman as would be natural for human beings? You people in the West cry like hell about the Iron Curtain that divides the East and West, and believe me we do too, while each of us impose a much more impregnable division against one-another in our private worlds. We impose a division in our own life that goes deeper and is wider than all the political and religious divisions. For this we trash our humanity and our civilization without batting an eye. In fact, we do it in the name of love. We are a bunch of hypocrites, really. Are we not?"
"Have you ever hoped," I asked her, "that it was possible for you to have a man, or several men, as very close friends that you might go out with once in a while to the movies, or for a dinner, or for a chat and a dance, someone to share your innermost thoughts with, even a smile with a kiss and a sexual embrace?"
"You must be dreaming," she said and began to grin. "You obviously had similar dreams. That too, is plain to see, but is the grass really greener on the opposite side of the fence?"
"That's an invalid question," I interrupted her. "As a scientist studying love, you should have asked, do we love one-another more as human beings by creating an institution that radically prevents us from loving one-another on a wider scale? Does the separation and isolation that we practice make us richer as a society, or does it make us very much poorer? Do we even know how to love unconditionally and universally? I would say that we don't. Yes, Erica, I have been dreaming such dreams as you suggest. I would love to have a few girl friends. I have far too few friends as it is, except on a superficial basis. The only basis on which those dreams could ever be fulfilled, would be on a basis of concealing, hiding, scheming, and plain lying to one-another. I haven't succumbed to that yet and never will, Erica. Still, the tragedy cannot be ignored that we call this tragedy that we have created, civilized living. And it is a tragedy. The man that you spoke of, who was desperate enough that he nearly raped you, was caught up in this tragedy. But who was more honest in his reaction, he or I?"
"You cannot quantify dishonesty," said Erica. "Dishonesty is absolute. We are all champions of it. I would have loved to give that man a chance to turn his life around, but I didn't respond to that love. You did the same thing for most of your life in a different manner. You would have loved to have a close, intelligent association with a few women in your life, the very thing that I have accused that man of for not being able to establish. We all have the same need, so it seems. We merely respond differently in our individual dishonesty. He tried to rape me; you tried to rape yourself; and I saw the man's need and didn't respond, as I wanted to. Which of these three would you say is worse?"
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